The Variant

Tech news from an alternate timeline.

Jon Prosser Pledges to Donate Only Remaining Kidney if Folding iPhones Are Not Announced Next Month

Update: Prosser has clarified the tone of his Tweet, stating in a reply that he’s “Dead serious.” Jon Prosser, a prominent Apple analyst and leaker, shocked many yesterday with a Tweet pledging to “give away [his] remaining kidney” if Apple doesn’t announce a “folding iPhone by the end of November”. While it has been widely speculated that Apple has its eye on folding phone technology, no other sources have suggested any time frame for the unveiling of a folding iPhone.


Apple to Relocate Headquarters to Texas According to Leaked Memo

“pack ur bags, [f-slur]s” Apple CEO Timothy Cook instructs employees in a jarringly unprofessional internal memo announcing Apple’s shocking relocation to Palo Alto, Texas. The doozy of a memo sent to all Apple corporate employees this morning and leaked to The Variant just minutes ago provided little detail about any aspects of the move. The only motive mentioned was “[keeping] an eye on elon haha”, a presumptive reference to Tesla’s recent intent to move to Austin, Texas from Palo Alto, California, which may have created confusion behind the memo’s curious reference to Palo Alto, Texas, a very small town described by Wikipedia as “located four miles southwest of Driscoll, 7-1/2 miles north of Bishop, and 14-1/2 miles north of Kingsville.

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